Blindsided

When I began to delve deaper into my faith, I was very eager to learn everything I could about this wonderful Church which was handed to us by Jesus himself. How amazing is that? And the more I learned, the more I fell head over heels in love. I was blind for so long and now my eyes and ears were opened to the truth. I have been truly blessed to have so many good and faithful Catholic friends who have taught me, led me and helped me in so many ways.

As I am beginning to learn what the Church teaches on faith and morals, I'm finding out that not everyone who is Catholic is interested in following what the church teaches. I'm not really too surprised to learn that there are Cafeteria Catholics. I understand the influences of liberalism, modernism and secular society among other things. But it's really kind of interesting to realize that many Catholics wouldn't dream of stealing or committing civil crimes. They are afraid of going to jail. But those same people don't hesitate to commit mortal sin and the punishment for that is far worse.

Even after realizing that many Catholics aren't as faithful to the Church as they should be, I was not prepared for what I was about to learn next. I was shocked when I learned that many of our clergy; our priests, deacons and even bishops; our nuns, Catholic teachers, seminary and Catholic university professors, are not following all that the Church teaches. This seems like a no-brainer to me. Of anyone in the entire church, our leaders, our shephards should shine with reverance to Holy Mother Church. There should be no question that they would follow the Magisterium, the Catechism, Canon Law, the GIRM, The Rubrics, Rome. And why aren't they made to behave? When I was a child, I obeyed my mother or I was punished. I didn't always like the rules but they were her rules and I had no choice.

I remember the first time I heard dissent with my own ears. I was completely blindsided. Did I really hear what I think I just heard? I went home and I cried. I asked God to please help me understand. I didn't know what to do. For the first time I wondered if I was learning too much. Do I really want to know all that the Church teaches? I was afraid that knowing what I did would destroy the love I have for my Faith. Time has passed and I've unfortunately witnessed, heard and read about way more dissention in our Church than I ever imagined. It no longer shocks me but it continues to sadden me. But I am standing strong in my Faith. I'm staying the course. I'm not about to become discouraged. This is so incredibly difficult. I know that God is revealing all of this to me for a reason. Maybe someday I will understand. For now all I can do is continue to pray.