About 10 minutes ago I received two wonderful books in the mail. I am extremely excited about both of them. You might be wondering how I can put "book review" in the title of this post when I clearly haven't had time in the past few minutes to read either book. Well that's because neither of them are the type of books that I will finish in a day, a week, or even a year. These are two books intentionally designed to be read slowly and even out of order if need be.
The first one is the Ignatius Catholic Study Bible New Testament 2nd Catholic Edition RSV with introduction, commentary and notes by Scott Hahn and Curtis Mitch. I am so excited to have this brand new Bible to add to my growing collection of Catholic resources! It will be put to immediate use as I prepare in the next week to facilitate the Gospel of Matthew Bible Study by Jeff Cavins at my Parish. This New Testament bible is thicker than any of my other full Bibles because the majority of it is commentary. It includes a nice size concordance, an index of doctrines (WOW!), charts, maps, and topical essays. I sure hope I remember to feed my kids this week because I might just get lost in all this awesome information at my fingertips. I love learning my Catholic Faith!
The second but equally exciting book that I received today is Karen Edmisten's Through The Year With Mary. This is not a book that is meant to be read cover to cover. (That's going be hard!) It includes 365 reflections on our Mother Mary. There is a quote for every day of the year and a short commentary on each one. I love that it is dated! I'm not the most organized soccer mom on the block so this will keep me on track. It will take away the pressure to "keep up" with it daily. I can just turn to the one for today's date even if it's been a few days or a week since I've had time to look at it. I do the exact same thing with Proverbs. I love that there are 31 chapters and when I feel like I need some advice or a kick in the pants, I can turn to today's date in Proverbs and usually it's exactly what I need to hear. I'm sure Karen's new book will be the same way.
I have many of Scott Hahn's books on my shelf. Some I've already read and others are on my to-read list. I love to catch him on EWTN and listen to CD lecture's that he has recorded. He has taught me so much and is incredibly gifted in scripture study! I can't wait to begin reading what he has to say about Matthew's Gospel.
I've been following Karen's Blog for a few years now. I check in with her daily to laugh at her "Ramona" stories or to learn something I didn't know about my faith. Her first book, The Rosary, is an awesome, quick-read but is a wealth of information and understanding about our wonderful Catholic devotion given to us by our Blessed Mary.
Scott and Karen are two amazing writers. I know without question that I will learn something about my faith from anything they write. Both have incredible conversion stories that are must-reads!
I'm off to read and reflect on today's quote from Blessed Teresa of Calcutta and to try and stop myself from reading the entire book today!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Jesus, I Trust in You
Time flies when you're having fun right? Well, time is speeding by but I'm not sure it's because I'm having so much fun. Life is busy that's for sure. It's also hard and annoying and frustrating. It can make a person tired, stressed and grumpy. But in spite of all that, we are doing ok. We are holding our own while my husband is deployed. We are neck deep in soccer, homework, birthdays, orthodontist appointments, choir practice, and religious ed. We've had to deal with things breaking and sadly putting our kitty cat to sleep. The girls are all struggling a bit to adjust to school this year and I'm doing my best to keep on top of our hectic schedule, paying the bills and making sure everybody gets fed. So far, so good. I know we can handle this. I know we'll be ok. I also know that I can only do all this through prayer and offering all of this to our Lord. I have to trust him.
St. Faustina, in her Diary, wrote 120 times of her own misery, and ours. However, she wrote 240 times about her trust in the Lord. Wow, she set the bar pretty high. God handed her the gift of free will and she made the decision to trust him. In one way that sounds like such a simple thing to do and yet it's something I know that I will strive for the rest of my life. Only through prayer and grace will I achieve a fraction of the Faith that our blessed St. Faustina had. Trust means to hand it all over to him. Trust means to accept pain and suffering and hearthache. Trust means to obey His commands even if we don't like it or really understand it. Trust means to pray for those who anger us or sin against us, and mean it. Trust in God means to know Him, to love Him, to serve Him and fervently desire to someday be happy with Him forever in our Heavenly home. Another important "statistic" taken from St. Faustina's Diary is that she spoke of God's Mercy 1200 times. Ten times more than her suffering she spoke of His infinite Mercy. If we ask, if we trust him, if we obey him, God will forgive us our sins. I have so much to learn but one important thing I've come to accept is that God will forgive not only me but ALL people. Luke 23:34 says "And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." The brutal men who tortured our Lord were God's precious children. He loved them. No matter what they did, he wanted them to spend eternity with him in heaven. If only they would repent for what they did. If only they would choose to Trust God, he was willing to extend his Mercy. No matter how hard life gets in the next few months, I know that God will be with me every step of the way. I only have to open my heart and trust in Him.
Dear Lord, I ask that you protect and comfort my husband and the other soldiers with him. They are far from home and missing their families. Bring them home safely but not my will Lord, but yours be done.
St. Faustina, in her Diary, wrote 120 times of her own misery, and ours. However, she wrote 240 times about her trust in the Lord. Wow, she set the bar pretty high. God handed her the gift of free will and she made the decision to trust him. In one way that sounds like such a simple thing to do and yet it's something I know that I will strive for the rest of my life. Only through prayer and grace will I achieve a fraction of the Faith that our blessed St. Faustina had. Trust means to hand it all over to him. Trust means to accept pain and suffering and hearthache. Trust means to obey His commands even if we don't like it or really understand it. Trust means to pray for those who anger us or sin against us, and mean it. Trust in God means to know Him, to love Him, to serve Him and fervently desire to someday be happy with Him forever in our Heavenly home. Another important "statistic" taken from St. Faustina's Diary is that she spoke of God's Mercy 1200 times. Ten times more than her suffering she spoke of His infinite Mercy. If we ask, if we trust him, if we obey him, God will forgive us our sins. I have so much to learn but one important thing I've come to accept is that God will forgive not only me but ALL people. Luke 23:34 says "And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." The brutal men who tortured our Lord were God's precious children. He loved them. No matter what they did, he wanted them to spend eternity with him in heaven. If only they would repent for what they did. If only they would choose to Trust God, he was willing to extend his Mercy. No matter how hard life gets in the next few months, I know that God will be with me every step of the way. I only have to open my heart and trust in Him.
Dear Lord, I ask that you protect and comfort my husband and the other soldiers with him. They are far from home and missing their families. Bring them home safely but not my will Lord, but yours be done.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Communication
Do you ever stop to think about all the different ways we have to communicate electronically with each other? Cell phones, cordless phones, email, pagers, instant messaging, social networking,and text messaging. We can leave voice mail and answering machine messages. Even getting online in our home is not restricted to the computer. We can also access the Internet through the Wii, the Nintendo DSi, the ipod Touch, and our cell phones thanks to wireless networking. It's amazing how far we've come in such a short amount of time. Communication has become very easy. Most of us probably take for granted that when we have something to tell someone we can usually get our message to them almost instantly by cell phone, leaving a voicemail or sending an email. It can be frustrating when we get used to that instant gratification and suddenly it's taken away from us. That is what I'm trying to get used to this week.
Mike arrived in Afghanistan this past week and although I've had some kind of communication from him daily, it has definitely been difficult and frustrating. The biggest problem is we keep missing each other. It's not like I can just pick up the phone and call him back when I miss his call. Although they have made huge improvements since the last time he was there, he is still somewhat restricted on phone or computer access. There is no private cell phone availability so I can't send him a quick text update. They have to take turns using the phone center and the computer center. Sometimes that means there are lines or nothing available to use. And when he finally gets a chance to use the computer it will be at the exact moment my internet screws up or we are not at home. It makes me wish I could just sit here at my desk waiting for the IM screen to pop up telling me he's online or have the phones within arms reach and fully charged so that I don't miss that call. But the reality of the situation is that he is working 12 hour shifts with limited free time to even attempt to call or get online. And he's 8 1/2 hours ahead of us. So when I'm going to bed, he's just starting his workday. I have errands to run and of course he tried to call the other night while we were at the Strassenfest with all of the the loud bands playing around us. I didn't hear the phone. Tonight we got lucky. He walked to the call center after getting up to start his day and there was no line! Better yet, we were home. The only bad thing was the call wasn't long enough. He got a few free 200 minute phone cards before he left but unfortunately that only gets him 20 minutes for the overseas call. So we got cut off before saying goodbye. I'm not complaining though. It was great to talk to him.
It should get better once he's in his permanent housing. We are told he will be able to get Internet access and the video portion of Skype should work in his room. That will be wonderful. He will not only be able to talk to us without having to use a phone but we'll also get to see each other. I'm sure there will still be times when everything will not work correctly. He's on the other side of the world and technology can only do so much under the conditions there. But we'll take what we can get.
I've thought a lot this week about how hard it must have been to be a miltary wife years ago. Soldiers would leave home for war and sometimes they wouldn't hear anything until they walked back in the door a year or two later. I can't imagine how hard it must have been never knowing if they would ever come home. And sometimes they didn't come home. Remembering those military families and all that they sacrificed makes my frustrations this week seem rather small.
God Bless our soldiers and their families.
St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil; may God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of the heavenly hosts, by the divine power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
Mike arrived in Afghanistan this past week and although I've had some kind of communication from him daily, it has definitely been difficult and frustrating. The biggest problem is we keep missing each other. It's not like I can just pick up the phone and call him back when I miss his call. Although they have made huge improvements since the last time he was there, he is still somewhat restricted on phone or computer access. There is no private cell phone availability so I can't send him a quick text update. They have to take turns using the phone center and the computer center. Sometimes that means there are lines or nothing available to use. And when he finally gets a chance to use the computer it will be at the exact moment my internet screws up or we are not at home. It makes me wish I could just sit here at my desk waiting for the IM screen to pop up telling me he's online or have the phones within arms reach and fully charged so that I don't miss that call. But the reality of the situation is that he is working 12 hour shifts with limited free time to even attempt to call or get online. And he's 8 1/2 hours ahead of us. So when I'm going to bed, he's just starting his workday. I have errands to run and of course he tried to call the other night while we were at the Strassenfest with all of the the loud bands playing around us. I didn't hear the phone. Tonight we got lucky. He walked to the call center after getting up to start his day and there was no line! Better yet, we were home. The only bad thing was the call wasn't long enough. He got a few free 200 minute phone cards before he left but unfortunately that only gets him 20 minutes for the overseas call. So we got cut off before saying goodbye. I'm not complaining though. It was great to talk to him.
It should get better once he's in his permanent housing. We are told he will be able to get Internet access and the video portion of Skype should work in his room. That will be wonderful. He will not only be able to talk to us without having to use a phone but we'll also get to see each other. I'm sure there will still be times when everything will not work correctly. He's on the other side of the world and technology can only do so much under the conditions there. But we'll take what we can get.
I've thought a lot this week about how hard it must have been to be a miltary wife years ago. Soldiers would leave home for war and sometimes they wouldn't hear anything until they walked back in the door a year or two later. I can't imagine how hard it must have been never knowing if they would ever come home. And sometimes they didn't come home. Remembering those military families and all that they sacrificed makes my frustrations this week seem rather small.
God Bless our soldiers and their families.
St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil; may God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of the heavenly hosts, by the divine power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Relax, It’s just a game!
My daughter had a great softball season this year. I saw her grow as a player thanks to her wonderful coaches. They never failed to encourage, teach and guide the girls on the team. They treated every player with respect and continued to help them improve at every game. But what I witnessed on other teams from coaches and parents was not always pleasant. Luckily I saw a lot more good than bad but the bad sometimes leaves me shaking my head in confusion.
Why is it that adults can take something as simple as summer recreational league softball and make it so complicated? For the past 8 weeks I’ve sat in the bleachers at the ballpark and witnessed what is great about summer. Kids meeting at the ball field to play a game. I’ve seen them laugh with their opponents, who in many cases are their school friends. Most of them work hard, show up on time and try their best to pull off a win. And whatever happens at the end, they always congratulate the other team for playing a great game. Kids get it. They know it’s a game. They want to win but more than anything else they want to have fun with their friends. They want to be a part of a team and share the wins and the losses.
Unfortunately I’ve witnessed too many times this summer adults who don’t get it. It’s not fun for them. It’s serious. It’s business. They want to win and they get mad when things don’t go their way. I’ve seen coaches yell at kids and punch fences when a ball is missed. They argue with the umpires and at least once this season a coach was ejected for screaming in the umpires face. And the saddest part of all of this bad behavior is they not only did it in front of other parents, they did it in front of the kids. Although I witness similar behavior at times in the bleachers, I feel like coaches need to set the example. Winning isn’t everything. It’s fun to win. It’s important to play hard and do your best. But things aren’t always going to go the way you hoped. Sometimes the umpire, who is human, is not going to call things the way you think you see them from the sidelines. I don’t always agree with the call either. But there is no excuse for being disrespectful during a game to anyone. Sometimes the best players are going to have a bad night. Sometimes they will miss an easy catch and other times they will make an amazing play. And sometimes the girls at the bottom of the batting roster will get hits you didn’t expect. That’s what makes this such a great sport. Everyone on the ball field counts. Everyone is important; the coaches, the umpire, and every player. Even when they make mistakes.
Tonight was the end of the season for my daughter’s junior league softball team. I should be jumping for joy because her team came home with the championship. And don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy for them. They lost only once in the regular season and once in the double-elimination tournament. They persevered and made it to the final game. I watched these girls work hard and get better and better all summer long. We were all set to face a tough opponent tonight. Our games had been pushed back twice because of rain but with clear skies today we were finally ready to play. However, when we arrived at the ball field, we learned that the other team was not planning to be there. So by forfeit we were declared the winners. I’m proud of our girls. The entire team was there and ready to play. They wanted to play their final game. But it wasn’t to be. I am also proud of the two girls on the other team who showed up thinking they were going to have a game. They were the only ones to walk out on the field and accept their runner-up trophy. The whole time I was snapping pictures I couldn’t help thinking that this just wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. There was no joyful atmosphere. There was no excitement after a night of fighting to win OR lose to a worthy opponent. They were happy to get their trophy but wishing it wasn’t by default.
There was a lot of talk tonight about why things turned out the way they did but I’m not going to spread rumors on this forum. All I know is that the parents who did show up with their girls were unaware of what was going on. The coach obviously didn’t communicate with the team. They didn’t tell our coaches anything. They just didn’t show up. The whole situation was not handled correctly. None of it was fair to the players. They deserve better.
Coaches who think that winning is everything, don’t belong in the game.
Why is it that adults can take something as simple as summer recreational league softball and make it so complicated? For the past 8 weeks I’ve sat in the bleachers at the ballpark and witnessed what is great about summer. Kids meeting at the ball field to play a game. I’ve seen them laugh with their opponents, who in many cases are their school friends. Most of them work hard, show up on time and try their best to pull off a win. And whatever happens at the end, they always congratulate the other team for playing a great game. Kids get it. They know it’s a game. They want to win but more than anything else they want to have fun with their friends. They want to be a part of a team and share the wins and the losses.
Unfortunately I’ve witnessed too many times this summer adults who don’t get it. It’s not fun for them. It’s serious. It’s business. They want to win and they get mad when things don’t go their way. I’ve seen coaches yell at kids and punch fences when a ball is missed. They argue with the umpires and at least once this season a coach was ejected for screaming in the umpires face. And the saddest part of all of this bad behavior is they not only did it in front of other parents, they did it in front of the kids. Although I witness similar behavior at times in the bleachers, I feel like coaches need to set the example. Winning isn’t everything. It’s fun to win. It’s important to play hard and do your best. But things aren’t always going to go the way you hoped. Sometimes the umpire, who is human, is not going to call things the way you think you see them from the sidelines. I don’t always agree with the call either. But there is no excuse for being disrespectful during a game to anyone. Sometimes the best players are going to have a bad night. Sometimes they will miss an easy catch and other times they will make an amazing play. And sometimes the girls at the bottom of the batting roster will get hits you didn’t expect. That’s what makes this such a great sport. Everyone on the ball field counts. Everyone is important; the coaches, the umpire, and every player. Even when they make mistakes.
Tonight was the end of the season for my daughter’s junior league softball team. I should be jumping for joy because her team came home with the championship. And don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy for them. They lost only once in the regular season and once in the double-elimination tournament. They persevered and made it to the final game. I watched these girls work hard and get better and better all summer long. We were all set to face a tough opponent tonight. Our games had been pushed back twice because of rain but with clear skies today we were finally ready to play. However, when we arrived at the ball field, we learned that the other team was not planning to be there. So by forfeit we were declared the winners. I’m proud of our girls. The entire team was there and ready to play. They wanted to play their final game. But it wasn’t to be. I am also proud of the two girls on the other team who showed up thinking they were going to have a game. They were the only ones to walk out on the field and accept their runner-up trophy. The whole time I was snapping pictures I couldn’t help thinking that this just wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. There was no joyful atmosphere. There was no excitement after a night of fighting to win OR lose to a worthy opponent. They were happy to get their trophy but wishing it wasn’t by default.
There was a lot of talk tonight about why things turned out the way they did but I’m not going to spread rumors on this forum. All I know is that the parents who did show up with their girls were unaware of what was going on. The coach obviously didn’t communicate with the team. They didn’t tell our coaches anything. They just didn’t show up. The whole situation was not handled correctly. None of it was fair to the players. They deserve better.
Coaches who think that winning is everything, don’t belong in the game.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
May - The Month of Mary
May is the month that we in the Catholic Church recall and reflect on Mary's role in salvation history. We don't worship Mary, but we do honor her as the greatest Saint in heaven. All of our Marian prayers and devotions point directly to Jesus. I have challenged myself to pray the Rosary every day in the month of May. I pray it occasionally but not daily and I don't really know why I resist it. I desperately want to fall in love with praying the Rosary. I want to understand those who crave it, those who wouldn't let the day end without praying this wonderful devotional. I continue to be a work in progress. I am encouraged by the great Saints who all had a devotion to Mary and the Holy Rosary.
Today I attended a May crowning and Marian music festival at my home parish sponsored by our local Catholic High School students and faculty. It was a beautiful celebration from beginning to end. The choirs and instrumental musicians did a wonderful job with the sacred music devoted to our Blessed Mother. The readings reflecting on Seven Mysteries are some of the most important Scriptures in the New Testament. What struck me the most was how respectful it was. There was NO CLAPPING after any of the students performed which I was so thankful for. It wasn't a school performance although they all did an amazing job and deserve our deepest gratitude. It was an amazing opportunity to reflect on Our Lady and all that she did for us. I want to thank all the students, faculty, parents and board members of John Paul The Great Catholic High School for giving me and all that attended this wonderful experience.
Today I attended a May crowning and Marian music festival at my home parish sponsored by our local Catholic High School students and faculty. It was a beautiful celebration from beginning to end. The choirs and instrumental musicians did a wonderful job with the sacred music devoted to our Blessed Mother. The readings reflecting on Seven Mysteries are some of the most important Scriptures in the New Testament. What struck me the most was how respectful it was. There was NO CLAPPING after any of the students performed which I was so thankful for. It wasn't a school performance although they all did an amazing job and deserve our deepest gratitude. It was an amazing opportunity to reflect on Our Lady and all that she did for us. I want to thank all the students, faculty, parents and board members of John Paul The Great Catholic High School for giving me and all that attended this wonderful experience.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
A Prayer For My Soldier
Did we remember everything? Did I ask all the questions that needed answering? Did I ask too many questions about where he's going and what he's going to be doing? Did I remember to have him show me all the "what to do in case of ____"? Did I ask him to help with too many things around the house this week? Did I tell him enough times that we'll be just fine, that I can handle things?
I guess we're as ready as we're going to be. In a little more than 24 hours my husband is leaving to join his unit. I think we'll get to see him before he leaves the country but I can't be sure of that. So tomorrow we are going to have a great day. We're taking the kids to the French Lick indoor water park and creating some wonderful memories for them with their dad before he has to say goodbye.
I found this poem online and it pretty much says what's in my heart right now.
A Prayer For My Soldier
I saw the woman crying as the plane flew out of sight,
She was trying hard to hide it, but it was her soldier's flight.
She knew that she would miss him and sadly hung her head,
Regretting all the little things that she had left unsaid.
As he's flying off into the night, while here she has to stay,
She remembers all the little things that she would like to say.
The things that seemed important are now just memories,
As her soldier has to leave her, she falls upon her knees.
"Dear God, I know you're listening, and that you're always near,
So with this prayer I'm asking you to help me with my fear.
I knew that he was leaving, but the time, it came to soon.
Now I'm asking you to keep him safe, protect him and his platoon.
"Let him feel my kisses each night before he sleeps,
And with each dawn's awakening, let him know my heart he keeps.
I ask, Dear Lord, that you will bring him safely back to me.
Amen." she said, and then arose from her bended knee.
He was off to do his duty, and she to wait back here,
But in their hearts forever they will hold each other dear.
Yes, this woman's heart is breaking, but some things he'll never see,
Except that she is proud of him for keeping her country free.
I guess we're as ready as we're going to be. In a little more than 24 hours my husband is leaving to join his unit. I think we'll get to see him before he leaves the country but I can't be sure of that. So tomorrow we are going to have a great day. We're taking the kids to the French Lick indoor water park and creating some wonderful memories for them with their dad before he has to say goodbye.
I found this poem online and it pretty much says what's in my heart right now.
A Prayer For My Soldier
I saw the woman crying as the plane flew out of sight,
She was trying hard to hide it, but it was her soldier's flight.
She knew that she would miss him and sadly hung her head,
Regretting all the little things that she had left unsaid.
As he's flying off into the night, while here she has to stay,
She remembers all the little things that she would like to say.
The things that seemed important are now just memories,
As her soldier has to leave her, she falls upon her knees.
"Dear God, I know you're listening, and that you're always near,
So with this prayer I'm asking you to help me with my fear.
I knew that he was leaving, but the time, it came to soon.
Now I'm asking you to keep him safe, protect him and his platoon.
"Let him feel my kisses each night before he sleeps,
And with each dawn's awakening, let him know my heart he keeps.
I ask, Dear Lord, that you will bring him safely back to me.
Amen." she said, and then arose from her bended knee.
He was off to do his duty, and she to wait back here,
But in their hearts forever they will hold each other dear.
Yes, this woman's heart is breaking, but some things he'll never see,
Except that she is proud of him for keeping her country free.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Proud To Be An Army Wife
I am an Army wife and a civilian mom. My husband is an electrical engineer and a Special Forces soldier. The other day as I was turning on the first episode to the new season of Army Wives one of the girls said “Hey mom that show should be about you!”. Well, not exactly. Most of the time I don't feel like an Army wife. At least not the ones portrayed on that show. (which my husband says is just a soap opera.) I've never lived on an Army base. I've never had to uproot my family and move from station to station. I've been lucky to live near family and lead a normal life like everyone else...most of the time. But I never for a moment forget what it means to be the wife of a soldier. I have to be prepared for anything. I keep one eye on what is happening in the world and I taught myself a long time ago that there is no reason to worry until the phone rings...while hoping it never does.
The first time I experienced the phone call was 1995. Mike and I were just dating. One night in December of that year we were watching a news story about National Guard call-ups to help with what I now know was Operation Joint Endeavor. I off-handedly asked Mike if he would ever have to go do anything like that and he said he doubted that would happen. Two weeks later he was gone. He came back in August of 1996. That year was Army wife boot camp for me. I asked a lot of questions and quickly learned what I was getting myself into by dating a soldier. Obviously it didn't scare me off. By the following year we were married.
The next phone call came less than 6 years later in the Fall of 2001. Tuesday, September 11 began like many other days. I was taking care of our four daughters and trying to coordinate schedules with the movers. Mike was already living in Jasper and had started his new job the day before. I sent him a quick email with the dates that the movers would be arriving to pack the house and he sent me a short reply that went something like this: “That sounds fine but I may be gone by then, turn on the TV”. The world as we knew it had just changed forever. Three months later after we got moved and settled, he was indeed gone. I didn't know anyone in Jasper. My girls were 20 months, 3 yrs, 4 yrs and my oldest was 15, mad at us for moving her away from her friends but eager to learn to drive. It was challenging to say the least. I used to get really irritated at all the people who would say to me “I don't know how you do it. I could never deal with it” Well, I didn't have much choice. My kids needed me to be strong. If I fell apart then who would take care of them? Mike was gone until August 2002. Looking back I can only give credit to God for giving me the strength to get through that year. Although at the time, I was not asking him for help. It didn't even occur to me to pray or go to church like so many others were doing during such a difficult time. And yet there he was taking care of me anyway.
Here we are 8 years later and once again it's time to say goodbye. We've known about this deployment since last year. The date has been pushed back a few times but we knew it was coming eventually. I'm not sure it makes it any easier to know about it so far in advance. After going through a 1 day notice in 1995, a few months notice in 2001 and almost a year notice this time, it really feels the same. Our family dynamics are a bit different. The first time we were not yet married. The second time we had a house full of preschoolers and a teenager. And now we have 3 pre-teens and a crazy busy schedule. But every single time the one thing that never changes is that our family becomes splintered. Nothing is the same when Mike is gone. We miss him so much and time seems to drag by. The days ahead seem endless and my heart aches just thinking about it.
The past 6 months while Mike has been doing pre-deployment work in Louisville I've tried not to think too much about him going overseas. It's been enough of an adjustment having him gone 4 days a week. The weeks he's been gone for longer trainings haven't been easy either. But as hard as it is now, I know in the back of my mind the tough days are yet to come. The girls and I will settle into a routine. We'll go on with all of our activities. Birthdays and holidays will come around and we'll celebrate like we normally do. We'll pack care packages and write letters (probably emails). We'll send lots of pictures and share every detail of what we are doing back here at home. But it's the unknown that is the hard part. There is much he won't be able to share with us. We may not get to know the exact date they leave the country. There won't be a big farewell. The nature of what he does makes that impossible. We usually have IM or email contact but even that is not for sure. It could be weeks once he leaves before we hear from him. Those are the hardest days of all...the days without any contact and not knowing exactly where he is or if he's ok. We may get an occasional phone call and we'll be thrilled to hear his voice. And we will never for one minute forget that he is in a combat zone. His job normally keeps him in a safe area but thats only a little comfort. It's still a war and there are people there who would be happy to kill him if given the chance.
Today Mike forwarded an email to me with the official activation orders for his unit. He'll be home tomorrow for a couple weeks leave and then report for his mobilization. No surprise...I just now have it in writing. I know the time will go by too fast. There is a lot to do to prepare for him leaving. He'll pack up his life here and get ready to move away. It's hard to explain how that feels. He's mentally preparing for military mode and I'm left not really knowing what to say or how to act and usually asking the wrong questions and trying not to cry. And as hard as it is for me to say goodbye and settle into our routine here at home, I never forget how hard it must be for Mike. He has to leave everything behind. He'll miss all that goes on in his absence. As much as we will try to keep him up on what is going on at home, it never makes up for him not being here. He won't get this year back. The girls will age another year, move up a grade level and reach new milestones while he's gone. And for the first time since we've been together, he won't be here for Christmas. But I'm not thinking about that right now.
We will get through this. I now have many friends here in Jasper and family close-by to help with anything we might need. I know all I have to do is pick up the phone and someone will be here in an instant. But best of all I have God to lean on. This time I will pray. This time I will ask him to help me through the difficult days and thank him for all the blessings in my life, especially for the honor of being an Army Wife to an awesome American Soldier.
God Bless all those who are fighting for our country.
The first time I experienced the phone call was 1995. Mike and I were just dating. One night in December of that year we were watching a news story about National Guard call-ups to help with what I now know was Operation Joint Endeavor. I off-handedly asked Mike if he would ever have to go do anything like that and he said he doubted that would happen. Two weeks later he was gone. He came back in August of 1996. That year was Army wife boot camp for me. I asked a lot of questions and quickly learned what I was getting myself into by dating a soldier. Obviously it didn't scare me off. By the following year we were married.
The next phone call came less than 6 years later in the Fall of 2001. Tuesday, September 11 began like many other days. I was taking care of our four daughters and trying to coordinate schedules with the movers. Mike was already living in Jasper and had started his new job the day before. I sent him a quick email with the dates that the movers would be arriving to pack the house and he sent me a short reply that went something like this: “That sounds fine but I may be gone by then, turn on the TV”. The world as we knew it had just changed forever. Three months later after we got moved and settled, he was indeed gone. I didn't know anyone in Jasper. My girls were 20 months, 3 yrs, 4 yrs and my oldest was 15, mad at us for moving her away from her friends but eager to learn to drive. It was challenging to say the least. I used to get really irritated at all the people who would say to me “I don't know how you do it. I could never deal with it” Well, I didn't have much choice. My kids needed me to be strong. If I fell apart then who would take care of them? Mike was gone until August 2002. Looking back I can only give credit to God for giving me the strength to get through that year. Although at the time, I was not asking him for help. It didn't even occur to me to pray or go to church like so many others were doing during such a difficult time. And yet there he was taking care of me anyway.
Here we are 8 years later and once again it's time to say goodbye. We've known about this deployment since last year. The date has been pushed back a few times but we knew it was coming eventually. I'm not sure it makes it any easier to know about it so far in advance. After going through a 1 day notice in 1995, a few months notice in 2001 and almost a year notice this time, it really feels the same. Our family dynamics are a bit different. The first time we were not yet married. The second time we had a house full of preschoolers and a teenager. And now we have 3 pre-teens and a crazy busy schedule. But every single time the one thing that never changes is that our family becomes splintered. Nothing is the same when Mike is gone. We miss him so much and time seems to drag by. The days ahead seem endless and my heart aches just thinking about it.
The past 6 months while Mike has been doing pre-deployment work in Louisville I've tried not to think too much about him going overseas. It's been enough of an adjustment having him gone 4 days a week. The weeks he's been gone for longer trainings haven't been easy either. But as hard as it is now, I know in the back of my mind the tough days are yet to come. The girls and I will settle into a routine. We'll go on with all of our activities. Birthdays and holidays will come around and we'll celebrate like we normally do. We'll pack care packages and write letters (probably emails). We'll send lots of pictures and share every detail of what we are doing back here at home. But it's the unknown that is the hard part. There is much he won't be able to share with us. We may not get to know the exact date they leave the country. There won't be a big farewell. The nature of what he does makes that impossible. We usually have IM or email contact but even that is not for sure. It could be weeks once he leaves before we hear from him. Those are the hardest days of all...the days without any contact and not knowing exactly where he is or if he's ok. We may get an occasional phone call and we'll be thrilled to hear his voice. And we will never for one minute forget that he is in a combat zone. His job normally keeps him in a safe area but thats only a little comfort. It's still a war and there are people there who would be happy to kill him if given the chance.
Today Mike forwarded an email to me with the official activation orders for his unit. He'll be home tomorrow for a couple weeks leave and then report for his mobilization. No surprise...I just now have it in writing. I know the time will go by too fast. There is a lot to do to prepare for him leaving. He'll pack up his life here and get ready to move away. It's hard to explain how that feels. He's mentally preparing for military mode and I'm left not really knowing what to say or how to act and usually asking the wrong questions and trying not to cry. And as hard as it is for me to say goodbye and settle into our routine here at home, I never forget how hard it must be for Mike. He has to leave everything behind. He'll miss all that goes on in his absence. As much as we will try to keep him up on what is going on at home, it never makes up for him not being here. He won't get this year back. The girls will age another year, move up a grade level and reach new milestones while he's gone. And for the first time since we've been together, he won't be here for Christmas. But I'm not thinking about that right now.
We will get through this. I now have many friends here in Jasper and family close-by to help with anything we might need. I know all I have to do is pick up the phone and someone will be here in an instant. But best of all I have God to lean on. This time I will pray. This time I will ask him to help me through the difficult days and thank him for all the blessings in my life, especially for the honor of being an Army Wife to an awesome American Soldier.
God Bless all those who are fighting for our country.
