He is gone

Being a military wife I got pretty good at goodbyes and long deployments. One thing that stands out from all that is how it felt when my husband was gone. No matter if it was a weekend drill, a two week annual training or an 8-month deployment, I remember that it just felt weird in my house. Nothing was the same until he returned. It was as if we were always waiting. And we were! We went about our normal family routines but something was always missing. 

We have just begun the Easter Triduum in the Catholic Church. Our 40-day Lenten Season is over and now we wait. He is gone. The tabernacle is empty, the church is bare and it feels weird in God's house. Nothing will be the same until our Lord's triumphant return. We must wait. 

There were some scary and uncertain times when my husband was overseas. Especially right after 9/11. What was happening? Why did he have to go? When will he come home? What if he doesn't? 

On Holy Thursday Jesus' apostles were devastated. Their Lord, their teacher, their comfort, was gone. Why did he have to go? On Good Friday they watched him die. How could this be happening? And on Holy Saturday they remained in hiding. We can only imagine their despair and hopelessness. 

We know now what the apostles didn't know during those three heartbreaking days. We know the rest of the story. The Easter Triduum is a celebration. Jesus rose to new life. We must never give up hope. No matter how bad things seem we must leave it all at the foot of the cross. Jesus did not leave us orphans. He is with us to the end of days. 

Not That Mom

Today we moved our middle two daughters to college. It was a wonderful day! In the coming weeks, more than one person will ask me if I’m sad or if I miss them and say how hard it must be to send them off on their own. I understand the assumption. Many if not most moms dread this time in their kids’ lives. But my answer to that question is usually “I’m not that mom”. Kinda snarky huh? I don’t mean it to be and I definitely have compassion for all the moms who cry and hate letting their kids go. They love them and I guess they aren’t ready. I’ve just never had those feelings. I'm always ready for the next stage, the next milestone. I never want time to stop or for them to stop growing up. I was always so excited to see them master a new skill or move on to a new stage, that it didn’t occur to me to think of it as some kind of loss (for me) of their youth or innocence. I taught them to be independent, to advocate for themselves and to be responsible for their actions. Because I always knew they needed to be ready for this roller-coaster life.

Let’s be clear, I love my girls ferociously, but I don’t want them to live with me forever. I want them to venture off on their own life path, because this is what they want and this is how it’s supposed to be. I pray that I’ve done everything I can to prepare them for the years to come. I’m glad that they are just a text or Facetime or a phone call away. They know that if they need anything at all; money, advice, a solution or to just listen, that I am here for them any time. 

Will I miss them? Of course! But not in a sad way. I like when they are around. I will miss seeing them daily and hanging out with them, and I will be very happy to see them when we go visit or they come home on school breaks. 

My prayer for them is that they recognize that the happiness they strive for will only happen when they remember to lean on their creator. I can’t wait to see what God has planned for them.

Our Journey Home

Easter will always be very special for our family. Especially the Easter Vigil Mass on Saturday evening. It's hard to believe that it's been 8 years since that  wonderful night. Here is the story of how our journey began.

 

I remember the day it happened. Although I didn’t recognize it at the time, I realize now that God was tugging on me that day. It was August 2004 and the day I took my second-oldest daughter to sign up for 1^st grade. Her new teacher went through all the important information and asked a series of questions. Is your address and phone the same? Will she be walking, going by car or riding the bus? Then she asked something I didn’t expect. She asked if I would like her to attend weekly religion classes. I was surprised that a public school even allowed such a thing. I agreed and then she asked: “Catholic or non-Catholic class?” Umm… Catholic I guess.

I’m a Cradle Catholic by definition. It’s the only faith I’ve ever known. But I spent most of my life away from my faith. I attended Catholic grade school through 8^th grade and then went on to public high school. When I was young, I attended Mass at school and on Sundays with my family. My mom rarely missed weekend Mass her entire life. It was clear that it was very important to her. At home though, I don’t remember mom or dad ever talking about faith, God, the bible, The Eucharist, or anything at all to do with the Catholic faith. The only Catholic “thing” we did was say Catholic grace before meals. There was a Crucifix hanging on the wall, a religious statue on the mantle and a Bible on the bookshelf. My mom had several rosaries in her jewelry box, but I never saw her pray with them. I have no memory of Dad ever going to church or talking about faith.

When I was 14 and just starting high school, my dad suffered a severe stroke. He survived but was disabled. The stroke changed his personality and there was a lot of turmoil in our home. It was then that my church habits changed. I would go to mass occasionally, but the older I got, the less frequently I would go. Mom would always tell me I should go to church, but she never told me why. I wouldn’t say I ever stopped believing in God. I just didn’t feel that I needed to go to church. I figured if I was a good person, then I would be ok. Dad was never very healthy after his stroke and he passed away when I was 19. As I got older, the longer I was away from the church, the more uncomfortable I became with anything regarding religion. I did my best to avoid it. I didn’t want to talk about it, read about it, or hear about it.

When I was 25 I became pregnant with my oldest daughter. I was unmarried, scared and faced with raising her alone. Even though I was a single-mom, I was determined to do all I could to give her a great life. Becoming a mom for the first time was an amazing experience. She was a perfectly healthy beautiful little girl and I felt truly blessed. At my mother’s urging, my daughter was baptized at a local Catholic Parish shortly after she was born. But that is where her Catholic faith ended. I realize now that all I was doing that day was trying to please everyone. Mom wanted her baptized and I just went along with it. I didn’t have a clue how important it was. I didn’t understand that I was making a promise to God which I had no intention of keeping. One of my deepest regrets is that I did not give my oldest child the gift of faith. But then how could I give her something that I myself had lost?

I was in my 30’s when I met my husband Mike. We were married by the County Clerk and began our life together. We were blessed with three more daughters within a short period of time. Needless to say it was an incredibly busy time in our lives. I knew my husband had been baptized in a Baptist church as a teenager, but he wasn’t attending any church when we met. When the girls came along, we never even discussed having them baptized. I guess neither of us were very comfortable talking about God.  So when the teacher asked me that day if I wanted my daughter to attend religion classes, I was fine with it. She could learn about God and I was off the hook. My daughter grew very excited by what she was learning each week. She would bring home her activity papers which always had suggestions for family activities. I learned to ignore those. I didn’t want to talk about God. She had a teacher for that.

I never counted on what came next. My daughter started asking me to take her to church. Her teacher would talk about going to Mass and how wonderful it was. My daughter had always been fascinated by the beautiful, historic Catholic Church we drove by almost daily and that’s where she wanted to go. My husband and I were never against going to church. It was just something that had never come up. And being different faiths was something we had never even discussed. But we decided that if our daughter was asking to go to church, then maybe we should give it a try. And so off we went to Mass one Sunday. Mike and the girls had never been to a Catholic mass before. I answered lots of questions during and after the best I could. But I was very uneasy being there. I felt out of place, like I didn’t belong. Some of the prayers and music were familiar, but something just didn’t feel right. I thought maybe this was a mistake. I decided to start researching different faiths. I knew people switched faiths all the time and maybe I wasn’t even supposed to be Catholic. Maybe that was why I left the Church as a teenager. Maybe that was why I was so uncomfortable at Mass that day.

One Sunday I finally decided to accept a friend’s invitation to attend a service at the Baptist church she belonged to. We enjoyed the service. The music was catchy and the preacher was passionate. The people were very friendly. But then something happened that changed everything. One evening the pastor and a couple of other people from the church came to my house for a visit. He asked me a lot of questions. He wanted me to define faith. I had no idea what to say. When he found out that I had been raised Catholic, he said I needed to be baptized right away. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. When they left, I shut the door and told my husband how offended I was that they thought my Catholic baptism wasn’t good enough. I knew better than that. I was more confused than ever. After giving it some thought and discussing it with Mike, it finally became clear to me what I had to do. I had to give my Catholic faith another chance. I knew that it would be a big commitment for Mike to join the church but he was completely on board with me. No matter what, we had to do this as a family. We went to Mass again one Sunday and something amazing happened. I felt a sense of peace come over me. It was like someone was wrapping their arms around me. This time I felt completely at home and I knew that was where I belonged.

Mike and I started RCIA classes in September of 2006. At the Easter Vigil in April of 2007 Mike was received into the Catholic Church. My three youngest daughters were baptized and two of them received their First Communion. Our marriage was also convalidated in front of the congregation that evening.  It was an amazing and beautiful experience for our family.

I learned so much that first year back in the Church. I felt like Paul who had been blinded by Jesus. My eyes were opened like the scales that fell from his eyes. I could finally see and learn what had been missing for so many years. I was amazed to learn that Jesus started the Catholic Church. I never knew that the Eucharist was the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Jesus. I was on fire and hungry to learn.

My family has come so far in the last 10 years. I no longer avoid talking about God and try to bring our Catholic Faith into our home and our family life every single day. My children see us read the bible and recite the rosary. We attend Mass as a family every Sunday. I try to get to weekday Mass as often as I can and we are very involved in parish activities. I am now a Catechist for our parish religious education program and facilitate adult Bible study classes. I still have work to do, much to learn and many improvements to make. Prayer doesn't come easy to me but it’s getting better. That day years ago, God invited me onto this path when I least expected it. I know he's still with me tugging on me when he sees me get distracted or frustrated, so I will keep going and do all I can to serve God just as he's asked me to do. One day I will face him and hopefully I will hear the words "Well done my good and faithful servant".

Memorial Day

Memorial Day is the official National Holiday set aside to remember those who died while serving our country in the armed forces. My mom always called it Decoration Day. Growing up I remember it being the day that we took flowers to the cemetery for all of our family members. There were always American flags dotting the landscape of graves throughout the cemetary. Although Veterans Day in November is the official day to honor the service of all those in the military, many will pay tribute to all soldiers on Memorial Day. This holiday weekend also typically marks the end of school, beginning of summer vacation, picnics, parades and graduation parties. And of course here in Indiana we have the Indy 500.

This morning on Memorial Day I said goodbye to my soldier as I have so many times before. This time though he is not gone for long and he is not going overseas. He was home on leave this long holiday weekend in the midst of a 2-month class he is teaching. He will be home in less than five weeks and back to his civilian life and job. We still miss him though. It’s not the same when he isn’t here. I still pray for his safe travel, even though he’s only 10 hours away. I still smile when I see his face pop up on my phone as it’s ringing. I still tell him I love him and miss him every single day even though I can count the days until I see him again. And even though he’s not deployed, his military obligations will keep him away from special events in our daily lives. Last week he had to miss Gina’s 8th grade recognition night. He missed Mother’s Day and won’t be here for Father’s Day or our Church Picnic. But we are luckier than many military families. Many many soldiers in our countries history left home and never returned. Today my thoughts and prayers are with those families. They gave everything so that we could be free.

Dear Heavenly Father,
With a sober heart we come before You this Memorial Day.
We pause for a moment and call to mind
all the men and women who have died in the service of our nation.
Dear God, please look with mercy on our brave and selfless brothers and sisters,
who did not shirk from their task but gave themselves completely
to the cause of defending and protecting us all.
Bless all who have given their lives for the sake of liberty,
and grant them eternal rest with You.
We remember also our brave men and women now serving in our Armed Forces,
both at home and abroad.
Dear God, send out Your angels to protect them all.
Help them discharge their duties honorably and well.
Please bring them safely home to their families and loved ones.
Please bring Your peace and mercy to our troubled world.
We ask this, Father, in the name of Jesus, Your Son, our Savior and Lord.
Amen.
~author unknown

The Sacrament of Marriage

Last weekend, I was privileged to be invited to witness the marriage ceremony of Katie and Jeremy. It was a wonderful ceremony and refreshingly different than most weddings I've been to. Many Catholic couples in our area choose St. Joseph Church for their wedding. It is stunningly beautiful and large enough for most weddings. It has a long center aisle which is perfect for the procession of flower girls, bridesmaids and groomsmen. It was apparent though from the beginning of the ceremony that Katie and Jeremy didn't choose St. Josephs because it is big or because there was plenty of room for a big wedding party. As the first (and only) bridesmaid came down the aisle followed by the maid of honor my first thought was "ah, this is going to be a simple wedding". And I smiled because I knew immediately that this couple was focused on why we were there. As Katie came down the aisle on the arm of her father, it was refreshing to see how beautiful she looked in her wedding gown. It wasn't sleeveless, it wasn't low-cut. It was perfect. Katie and Jeremy came there that day putting the love of God first in their minds and knowing that he deserves nothing less than reverence and modesty. This wedding wasn't about putting on a show but about keeping the focus on God. This wedding Mass, like every Holy Mass was a re-presentation of the sacrifice of our Lord at Calvary. And second to that it was celebration of a man and a woman forming a lifelong covenant bond. When the time came for the exchange of vows, the Priest stepped down into the center aisle closer to the congregation as Katie and Jeremy took their place near the altar. And again I smiled. A Catholic priest presides over a Marriage ceremony but he does not and cannot administer the Sacrament. Katie and Jeremy administered the sacrament of Matrimony to each other. The priest is the official witness representing Christ and so his presence there is essential for the sacrament to take place. But the couple confers the sacrament. How beautiful it was! I was honored to be there in Holy Worship of our Lord and to see two young Catholics who understand what being authentically Catholic is all about. God Bless them as they begin their new life together.

Isaac's Miracle

People who are pro-abortion would say that Isaac should never have been born. Doctor’s said he would not live. They advised Isaac’s parents to terminate the pregnancy. His parents refused to do that and went home to pray and hope. Watch this video which was made a couple of years ago. Pro-abortion advocates would say that it is unfair to bring a child in the world who will have to live with handicaps, medical intervention, pain and may die anyway. But in the video you will see how doing things God’s way has changed these people’s lives forever. What abortion advocates don’t understand is that Isaac is a child of God and that all of us are only on this earth for a very short time. But in heaven with the God of this great universe Isaac will have no pain, no operations, no wheelchair, and no sadness. God brought Isaac to the world so that the people who know him will love more, care more, give more and hope more. God knows that Isaac and his family can handle the hardships that He asked them to endure. God allows Isaac's suffering so that we can witness what holiness, true faith and trust in God is all about.


Watch More Christian Videos on GodVine.com

Since this video is a couple of years old and the website link at the end of it is not working I thought maybe something had happened to Isaac. I did a search for Isaac’s Miracle and found them on Facebook. They are working on getting their website back up but happily Isaac is well and they have pictures on there as recent as this Christmas.

God Bless

I remember

September 11, 2011

Yesterday while cleaning out a closet, I ran across a box of old 8mm video cassettes. We haven’t used our old video camera in years because the batteries stopped holding a charge and we could no longer find replacements for it. Since my three youngest girls were fairly young when we used that camera, I knew they had never viewed any of the tapes. We found audio wires and hooked the video camera up directly to the TV. What fun it was to see what the girls looked and sounded like over 10 years ago. We laughed and shared memories that had long been forgotten.

This past week I’ve been preoccupied with other memories of 10 years ago. This is the first time the younger girls have asked questions about what happened on Sept 11, and their questions brought back feelings I haven’t visited in quite awhile. It’s not as if I’ve forgotten. It’s something that comes to mind more often than I probably realize. But as I pulled out the yellowed newspapers and stack of magazines from years ago, a sadness came over me that I thought was long gone. It wasn’t quite the same as it was when the events unfolded that first year. But I felt it again. I remembered being scared. I remembered all the tears I shed. I remember saying goodbye to my husband and not knowing where he was going or if he would come back home. I remember trying to explain to toddlers where their daddy was. I remember not being able to stop watching TV as our soldiers went to war with an unconventional enemy. I remember seeing reports of wives with small children who were burying their soldiers. And I thought, there but for the grace of God go me. We were spared that grief and my husband returned to us. Our country asked us to live our lives and not let terrorism rule us. And so each day for the past 10 years we’ve gotten out of bed every day and tried to do just that.

I am happy that my youngest girls don’t remember how it felt to survive 9/11. It’s a sadness I hope they never have to endure. I will probably answer more questions in the coming years and try to help them understand what it was like. But I think for them it will always be similar to watching part of their childhood unfold on those old video tapes. They know it was real but they have no memory of it.

God bless all of those who died that day on the three planes and in the buildings that were hit, the firefighters and rescue workers, the people of New York, our soldiers and their families.

Disordered Self Love

I was recently saddened and angered by the July 30 article in our local newspaper, The Jasper Herald featuring a lesbian couple raising a child. I was not angered at the two women in the story, but at The Herald who should have never run a story like this. I am proud to live in a city that is primarily Christian and significantly Catholic. This article did not represent the values that the majority of the citizens here hold dear to them. What a shame that our newspaper chose to write a story for the purpose of promoting a sinful lifestyle. I would feel the same had they decided to promote the immoral lifestyle of a man and a woman living together outside of marriage. But that wasn’t the point of the story. The only point was to highlight the same sex lifestyle in our city. The people in the story are God’s children and as disciples of God we are all called to love them and guide them to live a holy life leading to the eternal reward of heaven. But we cannot and should not support this type of lifestyle. My thoughts on this have nothing to do with whether these two women are good people. It has nothing to do with judging them, which is in God’s hands not mine. The article showed that they are happy and feel comfortable here which means that they are surrounded by people who love them. That is a good thing. But that does not make their choices right. In their world, men are unimportant and reduced to sperm donors. How will they convey that message to the child they are raising? It is impossible to create a child without both a man and a woman. This is a fact and in itself is one reason that same sex relationships are disordered and unnatural to the human race. It has nothing to do with how anyone “feels”. It has nothing to do with the right to love whoever you want. It’s the way we are created. The Catholic Church does not condemn anyone who suffers from same sex attractions. But acting on it is always immoral. The Church will always accept them, but in turn explains that in order to walk with Christ they must live a life of chastity. God will give them the grace they need through the gift of free-will to reject a life of sin separated from the one who created them. Jesus never accepted sin. Not once. He loved the sinners but required them to repent and turn away from their sinful ways in order to receive salvation. These two women are choosing to sin because it is easier to be self-gratifying than to do God's will. I wonder if anyone has asked them to consider that they might be wrong. The implications of that are frightening.

Mercy is never easy to understand

Like most people in our country and perhaps the entire world, I am still trying to process last nights news of the demise of the United States number one enemy, Osama Bin Laden. As I watched the details unfold on TV and then the somber speech of our President, I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel. Was I supposed to be relieved, happy, thankful? As a Christian, who values human life without exception, would I have rather they had captured him alive? Truthfully I don't know how to feel. I just know that seeing newspaper headlines that state "May he rot in Hell" didn't make me feel good at all. My Catholic faith and love for Jesus and all he taught does not allow me to pass judgment. It's gravely sinful to wish eternal condemnation on any living soul no matter who they are or what they have done. I can't speculate on his eternal sentence because truthfully it's very possible that he asked for mercy in the end. It's possible that he received it.

Honestly, when I think about whether the world is better off with or without Bin Laden, that answer is easy. He never stopped planning to kill. He said many times over the past 10 years how happy he was with the outcome of 9/11 and promised more attacks. I'm not sure exactly what evil looks like but that man is as close as I can imagine a disciple of Satan would be. And now that evil has been removed. How could I be unhappy about that?

And yet it saddens me to see so many people rejoicing and praising the death of a human being. I do understand the motivation behind it but I can't join in. Our Lord is never happy to lose a soul, if that is indeed what happened. Jesus loved the sinners as much as the faithful. He came to convert the wicked and forgive their sins. He said that over and over again and proved it in his actions. He would expect nothing less than that from all of us. And so I hope that Bin Laden repented.

I went to Mass this morning and prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet. I prayed it in honor of all of the souls who were lost on 9/11. I prayed for their families and for everyone affected by the horror of that day. I prayed for all the soldiers and their families who have been affected in the past 10 years because of the actions of one man's hatred. And I prayed to our Lord for the strength to understand the infinite beauty of his Mercy.

Source and Summit

As I was preparing to go to our diocese Source and Summit teen retreat this weekend as a chaperone, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I had seen the promo video and visited their website for information. But it could never accurately describe how it felt to be there. It was to put it simply, Amazing.

I could say that the very best thing about the weekend was being able to share the experience with my daughter. (She was so excited to finally be old enough to go). But that isn't exactly the experience we had. True we were both there in the same place, but she was not really with me. We rarely spoke to each other all weekend. In fact the kids really did not interact with us that much. We were in the presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament almost the entire time through all the talks and music. The gym became an Adoration Chapel and a place for them to learn about how much Jesus loves them. It was as if God took over and made me see that these kids belong to him. He’s letting us love them and guide them but they are his children first. She didn't need to come to me for assurance or for help with anything at all. She had Jesus and that was all she needed.

Last night she told me that all of the friends she went to Source and Summit with are the kind of kids she needs to be hanging out with. She said she realizes that some of the kids at school are a bad influence and do a lot of things they shouldn’t be doing. It was at that instant that I could see God in her life. I finally understand that I can only do so much and I can't shelter her from everything and everyone. As much as I want to hold her close and protect her, I need to also trust her to make good decisions. My job is to lead her, to set boundaries, to live my faith and listen. God helped me this weekend to see that he will always show me when I need to step in and when I just need to step back and let him speak to her. I could never have forced this experience on her. I can take her to church but I can't make her pray. I can explain how important the Sacrament of Reconciliation is, but she has to be the one to let God take her hand and lead her there not only physically but spiritually as well. I can tell her she should love and honor Jesus but only He can move her to the tears that flowed while being in his presence in Adoration.

This glimpse of my daughters growth in her faith has made me realize that it truly is in God's hands. As much as I'm a mother bear wanting to protect my children from everything that may influence them, I need to let go a bit and trust him with my child, he will take her where she needs to go.

Words with Friends

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted, not because I’ve been busy (well I'm always busy), but because I just haven’t felt like writing about our very long deployment. It’s just been better for me to cope in silence rather than spill it all out for the world to read. It’s not that I’m sad or angry or miserable or suffering. But really, it’s more because, like it or not, people ask me about it all the time so I’m forced to think about it and talk about it more than I want to anyway.

I’ve recently been playing a virtual board game with my sister and my brother’s wife Gloria, through iphone/iPad apps. Word’s with Friends is a Scrabble game app. Gloria and I have had some really close games and trade win’s back and forth frequently. She is a formidable opponent although truth be known, she is better at it than me. So when I win, it’s likely because she got crappy letters that round rather than me excelling at forming high scoring words. But it’s been fun and a nice distraction for me while I wait. The one thing Gloria and I don’t do very much in our games is talk about our personal struggles. We both are dealing with difficult situations in our immediate families. It would be natural to constantly ask about it, be supportive or express compassion. But we don’t. We just play scrabble. I won’t pretend that my situation is in any way as heartbreaking as what she is dealing with. My husband is in a combat zone and we haven’t been together as a family for a year and a half. It’s hard, but I’m not watching one of my children fight for their life. That to me is an unthinkable pain to bear. Gloria never asks me when Mike is coming home, how I’m doing, if he’s done after this, etc. Those are the questions I get almost daily from others. So while I still have to hear them all the time, it’s nice to have one person who doesn’t ask. It’s nice to not have to repeat the answers one more time. We just play Scrabble. And I don't ask too often about Kelly. She knows I care and I know she will send an email out if there is important information to share. We live in different states far from each other and we are enjoying a common love for word games. It’s about as normal as life can get and one way that I get through the longest days yet in this journey we’ve been on. I do understand when people ask me about it, so I answer and it doesn’t upset me. They have no way of knowing that they are the 4th or 5th person to ask me the same thing that week, sometimes that day. I'm sure Gloria gets many questions also and her days of waiting and watching helplessly are also very long. So we'll continue to play a simple board game, something normal in our world that has been anything but normal lately.

So to answer the open questions I mentioned above, Mike will be leaving overseas by the end of the week if all goes as planned. He will make a couple stopovers of unknown length. He could be back in the states within a day after leaving or as many as 4-5 days. He won’t be coming right home but will be heading back to his unit’s mobilization base to unpack, inventory, do paperwork, debrief, and convince the army that he’s not going to come home and go PTSD on us. He should be back in Indiana by mid-April. Yes he’s done for this deployment and will return to his civilian job, but he will continue to be in the Army for a few more years. So yes there is always a possibility of another deployment. Things change in the world every day and we can never be sure of anything. It’s part of the job and we are always prepared for that. It’s unlikely that I will be going to meet him when he returns. Truthfully I’ve been doing everything alone for so long now the thought of driving in a car for 12 hours and then having to leave him behind and drive 12 hours back home is not something I can take on at this point. The logistics of getting three kids back and forth to school, art club, band lessons, religious ed., Girl Scouts, etc. plus making sure homework gets done is not exactly an easy thing to pass off to other people. They need me to be here keeping their lives as normal as possible.

As for me, I am doing fine really. These past few weeks, the closer the end gets have really been the hardest probably for both of us. It’s been a really long journey and every day now drags on. Mike’s work days have basically come to an end there and now he just waits for his return flight. He sometimes goes in to work to help out or give support but he’s handed over the reins to the replacement team. We spend more time now chatting on Skype and he’s been trying to acclimate himself to our time zone here to make the transition easier. The best news of all is that all of his guys are safe and the last of them are also waiting to return home this week. Families will reunite and life will get back to normal. And I will breathe a sigh of relief finally when I see his face and we can pick up where we left off.

I found this poem below and altered it just a bit to fit my circumstances. This is in honor of all military wives

Warrior

I never wore the uniform,
no medals on my chest.
The band it doesn’t play for me,
I am not among “the Best.”
I do not march in cadence,
I do not rate salute,
I stand among the silent ranks,
our devotion absolute.

If you’ve not worn my shoes,
you do not know my story.
I live a life of sacrifice,
my reward a private glory.
I’ve wept many silent nights away,
and I’ve kept the home fires burning.
I’ve worried and I’ve waited,
as world events were churning.

I’m not asking for your sympathy,
(although appreciation can be nice)
I did it quite on purpose though --
I chose to sacrifice.
I’ll tell you a secret now,
one you’d never guess.
About the one glory that is mine,
it’s enough; no more, no less.

When you and I stand together
as our national anthem plays,
I’ll fill with reminiscences
of how I spent those days.
I’ll know the pain and joys again,
that freedom isn’t free,
I’ll know I’ve helped to pay the price
and the anthem plays for me.

Christmas is for ALL God's Children

There was a rather scathing letter to the editor in our newspaper this week from a woman who decided she needed to scold society for their lack of focus on what Christmas is really all about. She was really upset at anyone who puts up their decorations early and stores that begin their holiday sales prior to Thanksgiving. Somewhere in the middle of her tirade she lost me, a fellow Christian. I mean, I do understand. Christmas is about the birth of Christ. There would be no Christmas had he not been born. Her message is correct but her method of delivery could use some polishing. She states that anyone who does not celebrate Christmas the proper way are greedy, pleasure-seeking hypocrites who do not deserve time off with their families for Christmas. "Christmas is only for Christians" she states. I’m not sure what she wants everyone else to do.

She was upset at the lack of reverence for the Christmas season. Well I have news for her. There is lack of reverence for Jesus all year round, not just at Christmas. There is lack of reverence within our own Catholic church, but not by all. It’s wonderful to try and spread the good news but when you resort to name-calling and disrespect then your message is going to fall on deaf ears. It’s best to lead by example and do it with charity. I am not offended, as the writer claimed I should be as a Christian, when someone says “Happy Holidays” to me. Why in the world would I be upset when someone is wishing me well? Do I wish that everyone knew Jesus? Sure I do. But I don’t hate those who choose to not see what I see. What right do I have to give up on them when God will never stop searching for his lost sheep?

Yes Christians are under attack, but they have been since the time of Christ. Thankfully Jesus chose those non-Christian hypocrites to spend time with. Where would we be if He had told the Apostles to only minister to the baptized followers instead of seeking out the Gentiles, the sinners and the hard-hearted?
As for me, I have embraced the Christmas season already this year. I am completely ok with seeing lights and decorations. The stores are full of color and the excitement is building. I refuse to let anyone put a damper on a time of year that is full of wonder and awe for children and adults alike. For some this is the one time of year they get to see their loved ones. Maybe they won’t go to church. Maybe they aren’t walking with Jesus right now. But they are still God’s children. He still loves them. He is a patient Father. And God is at work in their lives through the love they share with one another. He chooses to bless them even when they can’t hear him. For me the anticipation of Christmas must mirror, in a small way, the excitement that Mary and Joseph must have experienced at this point in her pregnancy. The birth of our Savior was still weeks away but she knew what was coming. She knew a miracle had occurred just by the fact that she was pregnant and a virgin.

It’s easy to look at the Christmas holidays as over-commercialized, secularized and exploited. It’s all of that but not limited to it. God does not want us to walk around angry and bitter at a time when we should be celebrating. As Christians we are called to show love, compassion, and understanding. He never promised it was going to be easy. In fact he assured us it would be hard.

God Bless

A Military wife's thoughts on Veteran's Day

Today is Veteran's Day. For some, it's a day off of work. For my kids there will be a special program at school in honor of our military. In many cities across the U.S. there will be parades and celebrations. And a lot of stores will have Veteran's Day sales this week. With a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye, I will read tributes to our soldiers on Facebook or blogs and read words like hero, sacrifice, honor and freedom. This is how Veteran's Day is honored every year in our community and in our country. It's good to have a day set aside to remember and pay tribute to all those who sacrifice so much to protect us every day.

For me, Veteran's Day will be much like any other day. I will clean and cook, do laundry, check my email, drop off and pick up kids, and run errands. My routine isn't too exciting and doesn't change much. But those are all the things my husband is missing the most. He longs for our mundane life. He would give anything to be here unloading the dishwasher or fixing me one of his famous omelets. He would love to sit here at the kitchen table tonight helping my daughter with her math homework. He would be more than happy to be here right now fixing our toilet that is broken. But mostly he just wishes he were here instead of there. He is in a foreign land living a life that I can't even imagine. His daily routine involves never leaving his quarters without strapping on a gun. He works 13-14 hour days, 7 days a week in a room without windows. He rarely gets a full nights sleep because the deafening noise of the fighter jets taking off outside his building wake him up. In his world the squeal of mortars in the distance is a daily occurrence and when they are closer than comfortable he stops and listens to hear if they land. He's always on guard, always aware, and never has the luxury to just relax and feel safe.

And yet my husband would say that he's luckier than many of his fellow soldiers. He's not out in the field facing the elements. He has a private room with heat/air, a refrigerator and Internet service which allows us to Skype daily. He gets 3 hot meals a day and free laundry service each week. Most days he gets to go to the gym for a quick workout and he's able to attend Mass on Sunday. All of those things make it bearable for him to get through each day. And each day he is one day closer to coming home.

I am so proud of my husband. He has given up so much over the years to train for a job that is so important. As much as my heart aches to be apart from him each day, I know that they need him. It's a small comfort on the days when I just long to remember how it feels to have him here. I want to hear his car pull in the driveway or be able to pick up the phone and call him whenever I want. I want to feel his touch and look in his eyes. I want to hear his voice when he's standing near me instead of through a crackled poor Internet connection. That day will eventually get here. We can get through this. The days will become weeks, the weeks will become months. Eventually he will come home and Life will return to normal.

May God Bless all military families today and every day!

Book Reviews!

About 10 minutes ago I received two wonderful books in the mail. I am extremely excited about both of them. You might be wondering how I can put "book review" in the title of this post when I clearly haven't had time in the past few minutes to read either book. Well that's because neither of them are the type of books that I will finish in a day, a week, or even a year. These are two books intentionally designed to be read slowly and even out of order if need be.

The first one is the Ignatius Catholic Study Bible New Testament 2nd Catholic Edition RSV with introduction, commentary and notes by Scott Hahn and Curtis Mitch. I am so excited to have this brand new Bible to add to my growing collection of Catholic resources! It will be put to immediate use as I prepare in the next week to facilitate the Gospel of Matthew Bible Study by Jeff Cavins at my Parish. This New Testament bible is thicker than any of my other full Bibles because the majority of it is commentary. It includes a nice size concordance, an index of doctrines (WOW!), charts, maps, and topical essays. I sure hope I remember to feed my kids this week because I might just get lost in all this awesome information at my fingertips. I love learning my Catholic Faith!

The second but equally exciting book that I received today is Karen Edmisten's Through The Year With Mary. This is not a book that is meant to be read cover to cover. (That's going be hard!) It includes 365 reflections on our Mother Mary. There is a quote for every day of the year and a short commentary on each one. I love that it is dated! I'm not the most organized soccer mom on the block so this will keep me on track. It will take away the pressure to "keep up" with it daily. I can just turn to the one for today's date even if it's been a few days or a week since I've had time to look at it. I do the exact same thing with Proverbs. I love that there are 31 chapters and when I feel like I need some advice or a kick in the pants, I can turn to today's date in Proverbs and usually it's exactly what I need to hear. I'm sure Karen's new book will be the same way.

I have many of Scott Hahn's books on my shelf. Some I've already read and others are on my to-read list. I love to catch him on EWTN and listen to CD lecture's that he has recorded. He has taught me so much and is incredibly gifted in scripture study! I can't wait to begin reading what he has to say about Matthew's Gospel.

I've been following Karen's Blog for a few years now. I check in with her daily to laugh at her "Ramona" stories or to learn something I didn't know about my faith. Her first book, The Rosary, is an awesome, quick-read but is a wealth of information and understanding about our wonderful Catholic devotion given to us by our Blessed Mary.

Scott and Karen are two amazing writers. I know without question that I will learn something about my faith from anything they write. Both have incredible conversion stories that are must-reads!

I'm off to read and reflect on today's quote from Blessed Teresa of Calcutta and to try and stop myself from reading the entire book today!

Jesus, I Trust in You

Time flies when you're having fun right? Well, time is speeding by but I'm not sure it's because I'm having so much fun. Life is busy that's for sure. It's also hard and annoying and frustrating. It can make a person tired, stressed and grumpy. But in spite of all that, we are doing ok. We are holding our own while my husband is deployed. We are neck deep in soccer, homework, birthdays, orthodontist appointments, choir practice, and religious ed. We've had to deal with things breaking and sadly putting our kitty cat to sleep. The girls are all struggling a bit to adjust to school this year and I'm doing my best to keep on top of our hectic schedule, paying the bills and making sure everybody gets fed. So far, so good. I know we can handle this. I know we'll be ok. I also know that I can only do all this through prayer and offering all of this to our Lord. I have to trust him.

St. Faustina, in her Diary, wrote 120 times of her own misery, and ours. However, she wrote 240 times about her trust in the Lord. Wow, she set the bar pretty high. God handed her the gift of free will and she made the decision to trust him. In one way that sounds like such a simple thing to do and yet it's something I know that I will strive for the rest of my life. Only through prayer and grace will I achieve a fraction of the Faith that our blessed St. Faustina had. Trust means to hand it all over to him. Trust means to accept pain and suffering and hearthache. Trust means to obey His commands even if we don't like it or really understand it. Trust means to pray for those who anger us or sin against us, and mean it. Trust in God means to know Him, to love Him, to serve Him and fervently desire to someday be happy with Him forever in our Heavenly home. Another important "statistic" taken from St. Faustina's Diary is that she spoke of God's Mercy 1200 times. Ten times more than her suffering she spoke of His infinite Mercy. If we ask, if we trust him, if we obey him, God will forgive us our sins. I have so much to learn but one important thing I've come to accept is that God will forgive not only me but ALL people. Luke 23:34 says "And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." The brutal men who tortured our Lord were God's precious children. He loved them. No matter what they did, he wanted them to spend eternity with him in heaven. If only they would repent for what they did. If only they would choose to Trust God, he was willing to extend his Mercy. No matter how hard life gets in the next few months, I know that God will be with me every step of the way. I only have to open my heart and trust in Him.

Dear Lord, I ask that you protect and comfort my husband and the other soldiers with him. They are far from home and missing their families. Bring them home safely but not my will Lord, but yours be done.

Communication

Do you ever stop to think about all the different ways we have to communicate electronically with each other? Cell phones, cordless phones, email, pagers, instant messaging, social networking,and text messaging. We can leave voice mail and answering machine messages. Even getting online in our home is not restricted to the computer. We can also access the Internet through the Wii, the Nintendo DSi, the ipod Touch, and our cell phones thanks to wireless networking. It's amazing how far we've come in such a short amount of time. Communication has become very easy. Most of us probably take for granted that when we have something to tell someone we can usually get our message to them almost instantly by cell phone, leaving a voicemail or sending an email. It can be frustrating when we get used to that instant gratification and suddenly it's taken away from us. That is what I'm trying to get used to this week.

Mike arrived in Afghanistan this past week and although I've had some kind of communication from him daily, it has definitely been difficult and frustrating. The biggest problem is we keep missing each other. It's not like I can just pick up the phone and call him back when I miss his call. Although they have made huge improvements since the last time he was there, he is still somewhat restricted on phone or computer access. There is no private cell phone availability so I can't send him a quick text update. They have to take turns using the phone center and the computer center. Sometimes that means there are lines or nothing available to use. And when he finally gets a chance to use the computer it will be at the exact moment my internet screws up or we are not at home. It makes me wish I could just sit here at my desk waiting for the IM screen to pop up telling me he's online or have the phones within arms reach and fully charged so that I don't miss that call. But the reality of the situation is that he is working 12 hour shifts with limited free time to even attempt to call or get online. And he's 8 1/2 hours ahead of us. So when I'm going to bed, he's just starting his workday. I have errands to run and of course he tried to call the other night while we were at the Strassenfest with all of the the loud bands playing around us. I didn't hear the phone. Tonight we got lucky. He walked to the call center after getting up to start his day and there was no line! Better yet, we were home. The only bad thing was the call wasn't long enough. He got a few free 200 minute phone cards before he left but unfortunately that only gets him 20 minutes for the overseas call. So we got cut off before saying goodbye. I'm not complaining though. It was great to talk to him.

It should get better once he's in his permanent housing. We are told he will be able to get Internet access and the video portion of Skype should work in his room. That will be wonderful. He will not only be able to talk to us without having to use a phone but we'll also get to see each other. I'm sure there will still be times when everything will not work correctly. He's on the other side of the world and technology can only do so much under the conditions there. But we'll take what we can get.

I've thought a lot this week about how hard it must have been to be a miltary wife years ago. Soldiers would leave home for war and sometimes they wouldn't hear anything until they walked back in the door a year or two later. I can't imagine how hard it must have been never knowing if they would ever come home. And sometimes they didn't come home. Remembering those military families and all that they sacrificed makes my frustrations this week seem rather small.

God Bless our soldiers and their families.

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil; may God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of the heavenly hosts, by the divine power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

Relax, It’s just a game!

My daughter had a great softball season this year. I saw her grow as a player thanks to her wonderful coaches. They never failed to encourage, teach and guide the girls on the team. They treated every player with respect and continued to help them improve at every game. But what I witnessed on other teams from coaches and parents was not always pleasant. Luckily I saw a lot more good than bad but the bad sometimes leaves me shaking my head in confusion.

Why is it that adults can take something as simple as summer recreational league softball and make it so complicated? For the past 8 weeks I’ve sat in the bleachers at the ballpark and witnessed what is great about summer. Kids meeting at the ball field to play a game. I’ve seen them laugh with their opponents, who in many cases are their school friends. Most of them work hard, show up on time and try their best to pull off a win. And whatever happens at the end, they always congratulate the other team for playing a great game. Kids get it. They know it’s a game. They want to win but more than anything else they want to have fun with their friends. They want to be a part of a team and share the wins and the losses.

Unfortunately I’ve witnessed too many times this summer adults who don’t get it. It’s not fun for them. It’s serious. It’s business. They want to win and they get mad when things don’t go their way. I’ve seen coaches yell at kids and punch fences when a ball is missed. They argue with the umpires and at least once this season a coach was ejected for screaming in the umpires face. And the saddest part of all of this bad behavior is they not only did it in front of other parents, they did it in front of the kids. Although I witness similar behavior at times in the bleachers, I feel like coaches need to set the example. Winning isn’t everything. It’s fun to win. It’s important to play hard and do your best. But things aren’t always going to go the way you hoped. Sometimes the umpire, who is human, is not going to call things the way you think you see them from the sidelines. I don’t always agree with the call either. But there is no excuse for being disrespectful during a game to anyone. Sometimes the best players are going to have a bad night. Sometimes they will miss an easy catch and other times they will make an amazing play. And sometimes the girls at the bottom of the batting roster will get hits you didn’t expect. That’s what makes this such a great sport. Everyone on the ball field counts. Everyone is important; the coaches, the umpire, and every player. Even when they make mistakes.

Tonight was the end of the season for my daughter’s junior league softball team. I should be jumping for joy because her team came home with the championship. And don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy for them. They lost only once in the regular season and once in the double-elimination tournament. They persevered and made it to the final game. I watched these girls work hard and get better and better all summer long. We were all set to face a tough opponent tonight. Our games had been pushed back twice because of rain but with clear skies today we were finally ready to play. However, when we arrived at the ball field, we learned that the other team was not planning to be there. So by forfeit we were declared the winners. I’m proud of our girls. The entire team was there and ready to play. They wanted to play their final game. But it wasn’t to be. I am also proud of the two girls on the other team who showed up thinking they were going to have a game. They were the only ones to walk out on the field and accept their runner-up trophy. The whole time I was snapping pictures I couldn’t help thinking that this just wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. There was no joyful atmosphere. There was no excitement after a night of fighting to win OR lose to a worthy opponent. They were happy to get their trophy but wishing it wasn’t by default.

There was a lot of talk tonight about why things turned out the way they did but I’m not going to spread rumors on this forum. All I know is that the parents who did show up with their girls were unaware of what was going on. The coach obviously didn’t communicate with the team. They didn’t tell our coaches anything. They just didn’t show up. The whole situation was not handled correctly. None of it was fair to the players. They deserve better.

Coaches who think that winning is everything, don’t belong in the game.

May - The Month of Mary

May is the month that we in the Catholic Church recall and reflect on Mary's role in salvation history. We don't worship Mary, but we do honor her as the greatest Saint in heaven. All of our Marian prayers and devotions point directly to Jesus. I have challenged myself to pray the Rosary every day in the month of May. I pray it occasionally but not daily and I don't really know why I resist it. I desperately want to fall in love with praying the Rosary. I want to understand those who crave it, those who wouldn't let the day end without praying this wonderful devotional. I continue to be a work in progress. I am encouraged by the great Saints who all had a devotion to Mary and the Holy Rosary.

Today I attended a May crowning and Marian music festival at my home parish sponsored by our local Catholic High School students and faculty. It was a beautiful celebration from beginning to end. The choirs and instrumental musicians did a wonderful job with the sacred music devoted to our Blessed Mother. The readings reflecting on Seven Mysteries are some of the most important Scriptures in the New Testament. What struck me the most was how respectful it was. There was NO CLAPPING after any of the students performed which I was so thankful for. It wasn't a school performance although they all did an amazing job and deserve our deepest gratitude. It was an amazing opportunity to reflect on Our Lady and all that she did for us. I want to thank all the students, faculty, parents and board members of John Paul The Great Catholic High School for giving me and all that attended this wonderful experience.

A Prayer For My Soldier

Did we remember everything? Did I ask all the questions that needed answering? Did I ask too many questions about where he's going and what he's going to be doing? Did I remember to have him show me all the "what to do in case of ____"? Did I ask him to help with too many things around the house this week? Did I tell him enough times that we'll be just fine, that I can handle things?

I guess we're as ready as we're going to be. In a little more than 24 hours my husband is leaving to join his unit. I think we'll get to see him before he leaves the country but I can't be sure of that. So tomorrow we are going to have a great day. We're taking the kids to the French Lick indoor water park and creating some wonderful memories for them with their dad before he has to say goodbye.

I found this poem online and it pretty much says what's in my heart right now.

A Prayer For My Soldier

I saw the woman crying as the plane flew out of sight,
She was trying hard to hide it, but it was her soldier's flight.
She knew that she would miss him and sadly hung her head,
Regretting all the little things that she had left unsaid.

As he's flying off into the night, while here she has to stay,
She remembers all the little things that she would like to say.
The things that seemed important are now just memories,
As her soldier has to leave her, she falls upon her knees.

"Dear God, I know you're listening, and that you're always near,
So with this prayer I'm asking you to help me with my fear.
I knew that he was leaving, but the time, it came to soon.
Now I'm asking you to keep him safe, protect him and his platoon.

"Let him feel my kisses each night before he sleeps,
And with each dawn's awakening, let him know my heart he keeps.
I ask, Dear Lord, that you will bring him safely back to me.
Amen." she said, and then arose from her bended knee.

He was off to do his duty, and she to wait back here,
But in their hearts forever they will hold each other dear.
Yes, this woman's heart is breaking, but some things he'll never see,
Except that she is proud of him for keeping her country free.

Proud To Be An Army Wife

I am an Army wife and a civilian mom. My husband is an electrical engineer and a Special Forces soldier. The other day as I was turning on the first episode to the new season of Army Wives one of the girls said “Hey mom that show should be about you!”. Well, not exactly. Most of the time I don't feel like an Army wife. At least not the ones portrayed on that show. (which my husband says is just a soap opera.) I've never lived on an Army base. I've never had to uproot my family and move from station to station. I've been lucky to live near family and lead a normal life like everyone else...most of the time. But I never for a moment forget what it means to be the wife of a soldier. I have to be prepared for anything. I keep one eye on what is happening in the world and I taught myself a long time ago that there is no reason to worry until the phone rings...while hoping it never does.

The first time I experienced the phone call was 1995. Mike and I were just dating. One night in December of that year we were watching a news story about National Guard call-ups to help with what I now know was Operation Joint Endeavor. I off-handedly asked Mike if he would ever have to go do anything like that and he said he doubted that would happen. Two weeks later he was gone. He came back in August of 1996. That year was Army wife boot camp for me. I asked a lot of questions and quickly learned what I was getting myself into by dating a soldier. Obviously it didn't scare me off. By the following year we were married.

The next phone call came less than 6 years later in the Fall of 2001. Tuesday, September 11 began like many other days. I was taking care of our four daughters and trying to coordinate schedules with the movers. Mike was already living in Jasper and had started his new job the day before. I sent him a quick email with the dates that the movers would be arriving to pack the house and he sent me a short reply that went something like this: “That sounds fine but I may be gone by then, turn on the TV”. The world as we knew it had just changed forever. Three months later after we got moved and settled, he was indeed gone. I didn't know anyone in Jasper. My girls were 20 months, 3 yrs, 4 yrs and my oldest was 15, mad at us for moving her away from her friends but eager to learn to drive. It was challenging to say the least. I used to get really irritated at all the people who would say to me “I don't know how you do it. I could never deal with it” Well, I didn't have much choice. My kids needed me to be strong. If I fell apart then who would take care of them? Mike was gone until August 2002. Looking back I can only give credit to God for giving me the strength to get through that year. Although at the time, I was not asking him for help. It didn't even occur to me to pray or go to church like so many others were doing during such a difficult time. And yet there he was taking care of me anyway.

Here we are 8 years later and once again it's time to say goodbye. We've known about this deployment since last year. The date has been pushed back a few times but we knew it was coming eventually. I'm not sure it makes it any easier to know about it so far in advance. After going through a 1 day notice in 1995, a few months notice in 2001 and almost a year notice this time, it really feels the same. Our family dynamics are a bit different. The first time we were not yet married. The second time we had a house full of preschoolers and a teenager. And now we have 3 pre-teens and a crazy busy schedule. But every single time the one thing that never changes is that our family becomes splintered. Nothing is the same when Mike is gone. We miss him so much and time seems to drag by. The days ahead seem endless and my heart aches just thinking about it.

The past 6 months while Mike has been doing pre-deployment work in Louisville I've tried not to think too much about him going overseas. It's been enough of an adjustment having him gone 4 days a week. The weeks he's been gone for longer trainings haven't been easy either. But as hard as it is now, I know in the back of my mind the tough days are yet to come. The girls and I will settle into a routine. We'll go on with all of our activities. Birthdays and holidays will come around and we'll celebrate like we normally do. We'll pack care packages and write letters (probably emails). We'll send lots of pictures and share every detail of what we are doing back here at home. But it's the unknown that is the hard part. There is much he won't be able to share with us. We may not get to know the exact date they leave the country. There won't be a big farewell. The nature of what he does makes that impossible. We usually have IM or email contact but even that is not for sure. It could be weeks once he leaves before we hear from him. Those are the hardest days of all...the days without any contact and not knowing exactly where he is or if he's ok. We may get an occasional phone call and we'll be thrilled to hear his voice. And we will never for one minute forget that he is in a combat zone. His job normally keeps him in a safe area but thats only a little comfort. It's still a war and there are people there who would be happy to kill him if given the chance.

Today Mike forwarded an email to me with the official activation orders for his unit. He'll be home tomorrow for a couple weeks leave and then report for his mobilization. No surprise...I just now have it in writing. I know the time will go by too fast. There is a lot to do to prepare for him leaving. He'll pack up his life here and get ready to move away. It's hard to explain how that feels. He's mentally preparing for military mode and I'm left not really knowing what to say or how to act and usually asking the wrong questions and trying not to cry. And as hard as it is for me to say goodbye and settle into our routine here at home, I never forget how hard it must be for Mike. He has to leave everything behind. He'll miss all that goes on in his absence. As much as we will try to keep him up on what is going on at home, it never makes up for him not being here. He won't get this year back. The girls will age another year, move up a grade level and reach new milestones while he's gone. And for the first time since we've been together, he won't be here for Christmas. But I'm not thinking about that right now.

We will get through this. I now have many friends here in Jasper and family close-by to help with anything we might need. I know all I have to do is pick up the phone and someone will be here in an instant. But best of all I have God to lean on. This time I will pray. This time I will ask him to help me through the difficult days and thank him for all the blessings in my life, especially for the honor of being an Army Wife to an awesome American Soldier.

God Bless all those who are fighting for our country.